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There isn't a single moment I haven't been haunted by guilt since that first night, back in March, when I saw my mobile phone - which had text messages from Kate on it - in my wife's hand, and realised that she'd found out I had deceived her.I know I'm totally to blame for Stephanie's unhappiness, and I hate myself for it. In all our 17 years together, she has shown me nothing but love and loyalty, as well as being a wonderful mother to our sons.Kate is an attractive brunette in her early 30s, but I never compared her looks to my wife. I know Stephanie finds this hard to accept, but it's the truth.It wasn't about looks, and it was never a competition.I don't know if she can ever forgive me for what I've done, but I'm determined to try to make it up to her.I've realised what's important in my life, and I am terrified of losing her and the children. I have never been unfaithful to Stephanie before, and if she's willing to give me a second chance I'd never be so stupid as to betray her again.I didn't want to talk about it at first as I thought it would only make things worse, and there is nothing more excruciating than being forced to describe to your wife what you found particularly attractive about another woman.

Now, in a desperate attempt to hold his marriage together, her husband Ian, a 40-year-old hedge fund manager - who shares the family's large five-bedroom home in South-West London, attempts to explain his behaviour.As my mouth touched hers, it felt completely spontaneous, but the moment I'd done it I knew we'd gone too far.Even so, after that I found I just couldn't stop thinking about her. As a professional man, I am normally cool, calm and rational.But in my relationship with Kate I began to act rashly, taking risks that I knew, deep down, could not only cost me my marriage, but also my career because Kate worked for my company, too.Losing all ability to concentrate at work, my focus turned continually to Kate, wondering when we could next meet and longing to make love to her. The last thing I intended was to hurt Stephanie or my sons.

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